Ain’t nothin’ like a good old tooth-yankin’ to remind you what a paranoid freak you are.
Up until this past week I thought a had a pretty good hold on my anxiety. Well, good for me anyway. All the “what if”s and “oh no”s and “omg the world is totally coming to an end and I’m going to die a horrible death” thoughts still make their way into my mind, but they haven’t affected me with the crippling fear that they used to. I still worry about things that are beyond my control much more than I need to, but I like to think of it as being prepared.
Until last Monday.
I had to get a couple of teeth extracted to prepare for the impending apocalypse AKA braces. This is something I’ve wanted for years and have been saving for for almost a year now, however now that it was getting closer I was beginning to have doubts. Every single day I had thoughts about backing out. It’s going to be an expensive and uncomfortable process, and I wasn’t sure if I really wanted to go through with it. Getting those teeth extracted made it all real, which was scary enough on it’s own.
So when I went into my dentist’s office (side note: who appears to have spent large sums of money making you feel like you’ve gone back to the 80’s after entering his office. Seriously. Burgundy carpets, brown leather chairs, forest green wall mouldings….but it all looks nice and new!) I was worried about the next two years of my life and wasn’t really even thinking about what the next week had in store for me. I figured this would be one of those things where I had to take the day off to recover and I’d be back in business the next day. My mom told me otherwise but I didn’t believe her. These weren’t wisdom teeth, they were just a regular old molar and whatever that tooth in front of your molars is called. And besides, I’ve barely listened to my mom for the past 24.75 years of my life. Why start now?
I was frozen but aware during the procedure, so I got to experience what it felt like to have someone use his brute force to dig in your mouth and rock your teeth back and forth without actually feeling any pain. Sounds cool. It’s not. At one point I thought he was struggling so much he was shaking, until he lifted his arm and I realized “oh, nope. That’s me.” An hour later I walked out of there a frozen-faced, drooling and slightly bloody mess. I had a feeling things might not go as planned.
I’m now on day 7 still am eating soft foods that don’t require chewing. No bread. No pancakes. No protein bars. NO NUTS DIPPED IN NUT BUTTER. Just soup, yogurt, soup, juice, smoothies, and a bit more soup. Yesterday I graduated to scrambled eggs by tilting my head back and swallowing. But it’s gross to do and probably even more gross to witness. I spent a lot of time crying, a lot of time feeling sorry for myself and making sure the world knew my misery (see what I’m doing right now?) and more time making my way through a meal. I also spent about 5 minutes licking a chocolate bar until I gave up and passed it on to Jordan.
Every single time I took a sip of water or juice I panicked about messing with the healing process. After each meal I used a makeup mirror to look inside my mouth to make sure everything looked okay. I spent far too much time Googling pictures of “what does a tooth extraction socket look like when it’s healing” which just increased my paranoia. If you ever have a medical procedure done, don’t look up pictures of what it should look like when it’s healing. You’ll get far more pictures of what it will look like if it’s NOT healing, and you’ll want to kill yourself. My speech impediment (which thankfully has now turned into just a mild lisp) made me so insecure every time I spoke, and I wished I could just wear a big sign that said “JUST HAD TEETH EXTRACTED”.
Well, now there is a light at the end of the tunnel. I’m still too scared to chew and shit still hurts, but I have a follow-up appointment with my dentist tomorrow. If all goes well it should only be another 3-4 days of
misery eating mush.
So what’s a food-lover like me do when you can’t chew? Well for the most part, complain. But I did have my bright moments. Like last night when I made a delicious pumpkin pie smoothie! I was missing my nightly yogurt bowls and decided that I wanted to save my ice cream binge for a night where I had more time (I am sooo looking forward to tonight) so I decided to whip up a quick smoothie after work before hitting the sack. This smoothie totally hit the spot and was thick enough to eat out of a bowl with a spoon. Just like ice cream 🙂
- 1/2 cup canned pumpkin (NOT pumpkin pie filling – big difference people!)
- 1/3 cup Greek yogurt
- 1 cup almond milk – you can add more if you would like a thinner consistency
- 1 banana
- 1/2 tsp pumpkin pie spice
- 1 scoop Vega One French Vanilla – I’m sure you could use Vega’s Vanilla Chai here and it would be just as delicious; just omit the pumpkin pie spice
- Handful of ice
1. Dump everything in a blender, blend, and enjoy! I topped mine with another dollop of Greek yogurt, a tbsp of maple peanut butter, and some cinnamon.